The return of the prodigal daughter


My daughter arrived home from the beach today at 6:45 AM, EST. While I expected her home today I did not expect her home at that ungodly hour. We exchanged pleasantry, and I mean pleasantry, because it consisted of one word, which was “hello”. It was said as she was shaking me awake. Shaking me. I thought we were experiencing a rare east coast earthquake. Once I recovered from the shock and had time to process the fact that I was not going to die as a result of a natural disaster, I responded with my own pleasantry, which was not one word and which I will refrain from repeating here. But it started off something like, “What the…”!

The next thing out of her mouth? Not, “I’m sorry I scared the shit out of you, Mom, but the house is on fire and I wanted to wake you up so that you can escape.” Rather, it was, “Are you aware that the Honey-Nut Cheerios are stale?” I was not, in fact, aware of that. Nor did I care. But instead of having that conversation, I simply welcomed her home with a hearty “Get the f*>k out!”

6 thoughts on “The return of the prodigal daughter

  1. javaj240 says:

    I recently posted about the TP thing. So annoying.

    My new thing is less talking/yelling and more “just not doing it”; whatever it is (cooking, cleanng, laundry, whatever). I do what I have to do and nothing more. But I honestly don’t care anymore (whereas I used to say I didn’t care, even though I really did). Maybe when it cools off I will care again. We shall see.


  2. peachyteachy says:

    Who invented this shaking practice as a legitimate means of waking another human? I think that it should be reserved for the exceptional times when you are trying to determine dead or alive-ness. AFTER you have held up the handy mirror in front of the mouth.


    • javaj240 says:

      OMG… yes!!!!! I’ll bring it up at the next family meeting… oh, wait. We don’t have those. This is a dictatorship, usually a benevolent one, but that all depends on the princess’ mood.


  3. kaiyasworld says:

    Hmmm, so it never ends, huh? I love getting woken up to my 3 yr old poking me in my eyeball & shouting “Mum, mum, mum”. Then when I finally say what, she says “You’re awake?”. Well you bet your ass I am now.


    • javaj240 says:

      No, it never does. But this type of behavior is far more understandable and forgivable from a 3-year-old than a 16-year-old.


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