Things I Will Never Understand (8/18/12)


Okay. So, I actually do UNDERSTAND what paleontology is. At least on it’s most basic level. I just don’t understand WHY it is that we seem to be so, well, devoted to it. The financial resources alone must be astronomical. Not to mention the great scientific minds wasted on it.

My husband spends what I would consider inordinate amounts of time engaged in watching television programming devoted to activities that he will never engage in. Cooking shows being a good example. But at least I can understand his interest in things culinary (God bless him, sometimes he even records them for me, you know, to be helpful. It’s possible that I could suddenly get the urge to whip up some canapés. Not likely, but, possible.). He often records documentaries on, what I like to call, “dinosaur bullshit” and insists that we watch. Together. I have learned from this futile activity that neither of us will be participating in any kind of paleontological research anytime soon. And not just because most of this digging for bones seems to occur in the desert, which it does. And where it is ungodly hot. And then there are the sandstorms. Don’t even get me started on the sandstorms! “Damn, Jim, there’s twelve years of research down the drain!” No, it’s mostly because I think it’s stupid. And ridiculously expensive.

I mean, it cannot possibly be cheap to mount one of these expeditions (Have you seen what they’re getting for tents these days? No. Top dollar, let me tell you, top dollar!) I’ve also noticed that a lot of these digs are in the most remote and the poorest parts of the world (parts of the world that are not, by and large, big fans of The West). Yes, one could make the argument that these expeditions provide local employment opportunities. Sure, if you’re one of the lucky folks who have a camel, or two. Wouldn’t it be better to provide educational assistance to these people? Or at least help them out with a little irrigation? Then maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t grow up chanting things like “Death to America”! Just a suggestion.

Surely if paleontology were taken out of the higher education curricula, the scientifically-minded might get interested in more meaningful research (curing cancer and designing a broom whose base remains affixed to the handle while in use come immediately to mind). I don’t know anything about curing cancer, but I have some experience with the modern broom.

Sure, being the guy who fixed the whole broom dilemma will never be as sexy as identifying yourself as a paleontologist. Unless it’s women that you’re out to impress. Women, I guarantee you will be impressed. And, I dare say, grateful. Grateful enough for you to get more than a little action, if you know what I mean!

I would personally lead the charge to award some big scientific prize, one with some money attached to it, to the scientist who could solve the damn sweepy part/handle problem! I’m not making any promises, but a Nobel in Kitchenology might just be in someone’s future!

Scoff if you will. But tell me this: what big breakthroughs that benefit humanity have been made by the current crop of highly-trained paleontologists? Are you still scoffing? If you are, please let me know what these breakthroughs are.

I’ll bet if they put their heads together in a nice clean, air-conditioned environment those former paleontologists will have the whole broom thing licked in no time. And if one of them can figure out how to use a video camera, well that’s just the kind of documentary that I’d force my husband to watch!

6 thoughts on “Things I Will Never Understand (8/18/12)

  1. javaj240 says:

    Yeah, we’re a funny bunch!

    I think my husband’s television viewing habits are designed to annoy me. It’s a dance we do. After almost 30 years together he’s got to have some fun. So, he watches, I complain, he watches some more, I complain some more. Then I get him back by running into the bedroom and tuning into something highbrow and, usually, British or the Yankee game (particularly painful to a Mets fan, especially in recent years).

    I resolved long ago not to spend inordinate amounts of time trying to “figure out” men in general and my husband in particular. I really cannot fathom a more futile endeavor (except tring to sweep my kitchen with an intact broom, of course). I just accept them/him for who they are. They should do the same.

    Thanks for reading!


  2. realityenchanted says:

    You women are cracking me up! And I got a cough already.
    Even though, I do see some points in your passionately displayed rant. (Kudos for that!), I should say that: you might want to find out WHY they interest your men.
    And if there is no “satisfactory” reason, then I guess you have it. Just like we men find some likes by the feminine race “funny” to us.
    Hehehehe!!! you have given me something thoughtful to laugh about, or something funny to think about.
    Nah! I’ll stick with the former.


  3. Your husband sounds like mine, except mine likes to watch shows about the universe. Lots of discovery channel shows. I guess that’s what happens when you get old and you are a man.


    • javaj240 says:

      Well, at least the space thing is necessary. You know, when we have finally ruined this planet we will need somewhere else to go!


  4. peachyteachy says:

    Hey, I made a psychic prediction it would be The Potato Eaters!
    What makes me crazier than legit science that may not be super relevant to a lot of people? Pseudo-science about alienish stuff on the History Channel. If there are visitors, they are too embarrassed to show their faces due to the nature of the television created on their behalf. And they probably figured out the broom thing long ago too.


    • javaj240 says:

      I don’t believe in paleontology and you want me to take the leap to aliens, LOL! The History Channel has gone downhill, for sure!


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