Things I Will Never Understand (8/30/12)


I despise that I have to spend even one minute in this store. I don’t understand where I went wrong as a parent; I thought I was raising a nonconformist feminist. I was wrong.

Because I am, on occasion, forced to endure shopping at Hollister*, I have made the following observations:

This place is designed to make it so you want to leave. Immediately. It’s too dark, it’s too loud, and it smells horrible. It’s hard for me to understand how they do any business at all, never mind the booming business that seems their norm. Walk into this place and you would be hard-pressed to make the argument that we are in the midst of a recession.

It has one dressing room with two teeny-tiny cubicles. Granted, the average female customer is a size 3, but still.

My daughter, who is an athletic and healthy size 5 (sometimes a 7, depending on the store— wanna guess what size she is at this store?), looks like the “before” shot of Kirstie Alley in the Jenny Craig ads, you know, how she looked before she lost what an average kindergartner weighs.

They are required to wear flip flops as part of their uniform (okay, maybe I’m just jealous).

That stupid screen showing some California “surfer beach” in “real time”; I’ve never seen evidence of anyone actually surfing. What you usually see are a bunch of people milling about in the shallow water or walking along the shore. I don’t think I have ever seen an actual wave. For crying out loud, find a more exciting beach for your “live feed” or show “Point Break”. I’d rather watch Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves shirtlessly pretending to surf then the guy wiping the dripping ice cream off of his young child’s face.

Do these folks even know that everything they are doing on this beach is appearing at Hollister stores nationwide? If they do, I wonder if that guy I saw today (@12:30 pm PST/3:30 pm EST) would have given a little more thought to his choice of bathing suit. The hibiscus print was not designed for a man of his age or his size.

The prices. They are just ridiculous. Even the sale prices are too high.

*Feel free to substitute the hipster store of your choosing. They are all the same, really.

8 thoughts on “Things I Will Never Understand (8/30/12)

  1. olivesmeltz says:

    I’m not sure a hibiscus print is a wise idea for any man, regardless of age or size.


  2. ethelthedean says:

    Like x1000. These stores are absolutely bloody bonkers. The light thing gets to me the most – I don’t know if I’m supposed to be shopping or playing laser tag. Ugh, THE WORST.

    Also, because I am a very tall girl everything is completely scandalous on my body. I rarely (if ever) set foot in the store, but every so often they have a really cute sundress on display that might as well be a tank top on me.


  3. Funny how kids are non-conformist until the hit a certain age – like fourteen, fifteen, sixteen – and then it’s all they can do to look like clones of each other. Or they go the complete opposite direction and they shave their head and wear boys underpants to school. That was me LOL!


  4. why am I here in a handbasket? says:

    the stairs take you by surprise when you walk in, as does the shrubbery. Hollister ranks right up there with Abercrombie & Fitch. You’re paying a lot of money to be assaulted by the perfume they spray on their clothing and the horrible, deafening music they play. I’m sad to say, children don’t outgrow either of these stores for a very long time.


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