The Elves Did It!


I like Murphy’s Law. It almost always applies to me.

After spending a decent amount of time mopping my kitchen floor yesterday, I woke up to spilled creamer all over the kitchen floor. Some helpful person in my household stuck one piece of paper towel near the end of the spill to staunch the flow. It didn’t really work. It was the thought, I guess, that counted. I thought I smelled something kind of vanilla-y. I know it was sticky because I stepped in it. With my whole foot.

This pool of creamer, which as it turns out was more than half of a large bottle of french vanilla creamer, began at the fridge, meandered under the kitchen table, and ran into the tile grout in what can only be described as a “splat” formation. And no one thought to alert me to this. Unless they thought that the one square of paper towel would act as an early warning system. It wasn’t really that well thought out. It’s a miracle that I didn’t go ass over teakettle in the middle of my kitchen floor before I had even had a chance to have my morning coffee. Luckily I wasn’t wearing nylon socks.

These same people in question wake me up for everything. Everything. Not that long ago my teenager actually woke me up to ask me what day it was. Seriously. My husband will wake me prior to leaving for work to inform me that it is raining outside. Not kidding. They normally cannot stand to see me engaged in sleeping. Today, however, when there was something that needed telling they chose, instead, to let me sleep. Remind me to thank them for that.

After perfunctorily moving the mop around and soaking up most of the liquid, I was able to get to the fridge. The now quarter of a bottle of creamer that I had opened just yesterday was teetering on top of a container of lettuce mix on the middle shelf (definitely not where I left it yesterday). The outside of the bottle was still covered with what had formerly been inside the bottle. Another sticky mess. Yay!

I cannot wait to question the culprits later today. It will be an exercise in futility, but I will do it anyway. Even though I already know how it will turn out. No one will cop to it. So, I will be forced to blame the elves once again. Those elves sure do get into things. Aren’t they supposed to making toys this time of year? If they’re bored, I wish they would quit making mischief and clean something up around this joint. Or at least make me some new shoes. I saw a nice pair of Jimmy Choo’s at the mall the other day. I think it’s the least they could do.

13 thoughts on “The Elves Did It!

  1. […] *For those of you wondering how a person stumbled onto my blog using the search terms above, I once wrote about elves and creamer, but not in the way you might think. The Elves Did It! […]

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  2. javaj240 says:

    I have a French press, too. I love coffee in the French press. I just need to have my first cup nearly instantly, LOL! I also still have my Mr. Coffee. I have many back-up plans. Coffee is very important to me.

    I would applaud the whole science experiment aspect if it were even a remote possibility. It was just sheer laziness.

    God only knows what they do with the sponges when I’m not looking. I am careful to use blue in the kitchen and pink in the bathroom. They at least know that rule, LOL!

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  3. peachyteachy says:

    I love the science experiment spirit of throwing one paper towel square , and can’t help but wonder whether a coffee filter would do any more. But you have a Keurig, and I have a French press, so we may never know. Everyone knows you shouldn’t wipe the counter with the sponge you wash dishes with, right? Wrong. I am about to go ass over teakettle.

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  4. javaj240 says:

    Clearly, we need more helpful elves.

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  5. valleygirl96 says:

    Damn, I was wondering who was to blame for the spilled box of goldfish crackers in my pantry and the empty toilet paper roll. Because it certainly isn’t the fault of my children or husband. I’ve asked them.

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  6. javaj240 says:

    It’s probably best not to think on it too much.

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  7. why am I here in a handbasket? says:

    the middle one just attempted to wipe a spill with the dishcloth yesterday. How many times does she do this when I’m not watching?

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  8. javaj240 says:

    Oh, I’m surprised that they didn’t use a dishcloth, actually. Nor would it be out of the ordinary for them to use it to soak up some dairy product. I would have realized it when it started to smell.

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  9. ethelthedean says:

    Effing hilarious! (as per the usual) Every time my husband knocks over the cat’s water dish, he puts a dish cloth down to soak up the spill and then HANGS IT BACK ON THE FRONT OF THE STOVE!!! This (as you may imagine) drives me NUTS. I mean, how gross is that!? WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM!?

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  10. You have no idea how happy I was to see “ass over teakettle.” That was a favorite saying of my Grandma Charlotte. Thankfully, we are a very clumsy family so all of my family members try to use it whenever possible in her honor!

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    • javaj240 says:

      My family said it a lot also, usually about other people, though. We are pretty coordinated. Unless we’ve been drinking. Then all bets are off.

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  11. Waking you up to see what day it is. Too funny.

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