It Doesn’t Sound Like a Symphony


I worked a double yesterday, as I always do on Fridays. It was a crazy, busy day and night. I’m not complaining. I need the money, so I am happy for the opportunity to earn it. Don’t be alarmed. There will always be something to get worked up about, even on the good days.

I want to make a recommendation to restaurant kitchen designers the world over (if you are one or are in any way associated with one, I have many ideas, so please feel free to make contact): Can you please stop using fucking tile on every surface of the restaurant? Now, I’m no expert on the science of acoustics, but I do know this: sound bounces off of tile. Between the tile, the pebble board, and the stainless steel, I feel like I am living in a stereo speaker (Look Mom! I’m a woofer!). It’s 2012, I cannot imagine that there are not products at your disposal that are designed to absorb sound waves. It doesn’t sound like a symphony. It sounds like a cacophony.

Here’s a news flash. We need to communicate with each other in the kitchen. The materials used in the construction of commercial kitchens make this very important task far more difficult than it needs to be. It requires constant screaming. When twenty-two people are simultaneously engaged in this activity, the noise level becomes deafening. My ears actually hurt when I get home. I’m no otolaryngologist, but I’m going to go out on a limb and conclude that ear pain as a result of noise exposure is, more than likely, not a good thing.

Also, I’m not sure how many of you folks know this, but most of our kitchen staff? Not native English speakers. I feel right at home, in that, I am forced to repeat everything I say. Everything I say. It’s fucking delightful. Fucking delightful. (It’s annoying just reading that, isn’t it? Isn’t it?)

After a while no one really knows what anyone is saying. Because it requires far too much in the way of multi-tasking to keep your thinking cap and listening skills at full capacity for five or six straight hours. This is assuming, of course, that one has a thinking cap and/or listening skills, which, let’s face it, is probably a foolish assumption to begin with.

Fair warning: I may have to invest in a bullhorn. Because I have just had enough of the yelling. Enough of the yelling.

9 thoughts on “It Doesn’t Sound Like a Symphony

  1. wedelmom says:

    Too funny! Too funny!

    Like

  2. I wonder how your non-listening husband would fair in the kitchen!! LOL!!

    Like

  3. peachyteachy says:

    Oddly, this reminds me of my classroom. Perhaps a series of cue cards a la Bob Dylan “Subterranean Homesick Blues?”

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    • javaj240 says:

      You may be on to something there. I’ll have to consult my legal team, though. I fear that some of the language I have been known to use may actually be frowned upon in a corporate restaurant. I don’t think it would be a good idea to actually put it in writing, LOL!

      Like

  4. Rick says:

    How do you communicate with the non-English speakers?

    Like

  5. New word for my day: otolaryngologist. Love new words. Favorite kitchen staff where I worked had a cranky recovering alcoholic head chef who always scared me to death when he yelled at me, a lot. He had his license taken away so he was nicer to me after I gave him a ride home a few times. 🙂

    Like

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