In other news, it turn out my husband thinks I am an idiot. He is under this (mistaken) impression because he doesn’t listen. Perhaps you don’t know this about me, but I have a mantra (everyone should). It’s simple (as mantras should be): NOBODY LISTENS!

I am forced to silently chant my mantra (mantras, like vespers music, need to be chanted— apparently it’s a rule) many, many times throughout the course of my day; often as I am being forced to repeat what I thought had been clearly stated THE GODDAMN FIRST TIME because NOBODY LISTENS!

Sometimes I wonder if I might not be speaking on some frequency that only dogs can hear. Because my husband is not the only one with whom I have this communication problem. It happens with my daughter, with my coworkers, with the folks at Dunkin’ Donuts, with my customers, and even with convenience store and, oddly enough, delicatessen workers. I refuse to believe that all of these people are hearing-impaired. So, it must be me, right? Except that it’s not. Do you want to know how I know that? Because, miraculously, I have no issues making myself heard when I am speaking with friends. In point of fact, they almost always hear me the first time. It’s really quite refreshing. Quite refreshing.

What I think drives me nearly to the brink of insanity, though, is when people ask me a question and I answer it, only to have their response be WHAT? or, the ever popular, HUH? (Rhymes with DUH!) I just cannot wrap my mind around how someone can ask a question and then be so slow-witted as to not make the required brain-shift to prepare to absorb the answer! DUH!

I have to admit that I have grown used to the guy or the gal at the deli giving me a half-pound of Virginia ham when I clearly asked for a pound of Thumann’s boiled ham (thinly sliced, please— but don’t even get me started on that debacle). And the folks over at the Dunkin’ Donuts? They almost always put sugar in my coffee. No matter how many days in a row the same employee processes my order. I think I would just about fall over if the guy at the convenience store even once remembered what kind of cigarettes I smoke. My customers neither read or listen. So, I am quite accustomed to their shock at discovering the onion on their salad. The day my teenager actually starts listening to a word I say, she won’t be a teenager anymore. I know that for damn sure. I could chalk people’s shortcomings up to stupidity or, even, ennui. It doesn’t matter. The result is the same. NOBODY LISTENS!

My husband does it all the time. He did it again tonight (for about the one-millionth time in our relationship). I will not even get into what the question was. It doesn’t matter. What I will tell you is that I fully answered it. Of course he asked me to repeat myself, which I did (but not before thinking for about the half-millionth time that I should really wait a full ten seconds, you know, to give his brain a chance to catch up). He then proceeded to ask a series of follow-up questions that led me to believe that one of two things had just occurred: either he a) had experienced a small stroke or b) had not listened to a word I had said, TWICE. I decided to go with b), mainly because he was driving the car, so the stroke theory would have been inconsistent with the gross and fine motor skills required for this activity.

When I pointed out that he had failed to understand my very simple answer to his very simple question because he was not listening, he had the nerve to ask me to repeat myself again. for what would be the third time. I refused. On the grounds that I am not an idiot.

Fast forward to a couple of hours later. We were in the car again. This time on our way home from my daughter’s field hockey game, which they managed to lose in overtime. (For those of you who have been keeping up, they are 2-8 now; it’s been a banner year!) We were having our usual lively discussion/debriefing following the game. At some point my husband turned to me and accused me of insulting a child’s playing skills right in front of her mother.

For the record, I am a terrible sport. I hate to lose. This was a game (one of several this season) that they absolutely could have won. Will I critique payers (including my own kid, by the way) after a game? You betcha! Will I ask my daughter what the hell the coach is thinking putting a certain player in a position that she is clearly unsuited for? Why, yes. Yes, I will. Will I also make suggestions, helpful ones, regarding how they might capitalize on their strengths versus allowing the opposition to capitalize on their weaknesses? I have been known to give just that type of unsolicited advice. Would I ever bad mouth a coach or a player publicly? Would I ever do so in front of said players mother? No. And. No, I absolutely would not.

He then went on to express dismay at my behavior following the game. He was shocked that I would have the nerve to chat the woman up after I had insulted her daughter just minutes before. He went on and on about how very impressed by this woman’s highly evolved nature he was, in the face of my horrible behavior. He lectured me on how I would have behaved toward her had the situation been reversed. I was forced to repeat my mantra (NOBODY LISTENS!) as I asked him, while shaking my head in a most disappointed fashion, just what kind of an idiot he thought I was?

Let’s not get into the fact that he has been associated with me, intimately I might add, for nearly thirty years. I’ve done one or two stupid things and, truthfully, probably said a half-dozen things (no more than that, I’m sure) that I’m not proud of, but I would NEVER talk trash about a kid in front of her mother. NEVER.

Admittedly, I have been known to have a thought or three flit through my head. So, I might think negative things.I definitely don’t always think the kindest things about people. But you will never convince me that my husband knows what I’m thinking. Or maybe he does. Not that it would matter. Why? Because, as I think has been clearly established, NOBODY LISTENS!

photo credit:

18 thoughts on “NOBODY LISTENS!

  1. First of all Rick, funny guy. It’s a good thing this is the internet, or I fear he may have “gotten one” right in the kisser. And second, now that I’ve read this all the way through, I am surprised to hear you are one of those CRAZY field hockey mothers LOL. They are CRAZY, way CRAZIER than regular hockey or football mothers. You hear about them all the time in the paper. I am the same as you, BTW. My husband says I am very competitive.

    And yeah, nobody listens. Not much you can do about it though. Just try not to pull your hair out. 🙂


    • javaj240 says:

      I’m a crazy sports mother, in general. Hence why I NEVER coached anything. I would have been run out of town on a rail. For serious. I’m a little, what you might call, “intense”, LOL.

      Field hockey is a tough sport. The tougher the sport, the tougher the fans. Those swimming and softball Moms don’t know nothin’ about nothin’!

      And I agree that Rick is one brave soul. LOL. I really like him. I admire his courage.


  2. why am I here in a handbasket? says:

    I shut my hearing completely off when I’m bored. Happens all the time. Then when I realize they’re waiting for a response from me, I scramble to put the fragments of sentences together. I can’t help it.


    • javaj240 says:

      Everyone does that. I am talking about when you ask the question. Are you not waiting for the answer?

      My husband honestly does this to me so often that I just want to spit. The other night took the cake, though. Idiot.


  3. javaj240 says:

    I just don’t get why people who have a vested interest in hearing you don’t listen. Fine by me if you don’t want to listen to me ramble on about whatever interests me, but when you have asked me a question, a question that you need to know the answer to in order to, say, do your job (like the deli, DD, convenience store personnel)— that just makes no sense. But my husband’s insistence on not listening drives me the most insane.


  4. wedelmom says:

    I have a theory that somehow a secret translator has been planted in my head so while I believe I am speaking in English what is really coming out of my mouth is some other dialect – like Latin. Only thing I can figure out as to why no one listens….


  5. Okay, first of all, great post, I can totally relate to this! Secondly, you and your husband have been together for 30 years???? Holy Crap!


  6. peachyteachy says:

    You have articulated my life. I fear that I must be speaking in some obscure dialect from a fictional planet in Star Wars. Or Wookie.


  7. Rick says:

    What did you say?


  8. javaj240 says:

    So nice to hear from you!

    It never occurred to me that my husband might be bored of me, though that may explain a great deal about our relationship, LOL!

    I did not mean to post twice. I even “trashed”one, but it’s still showing up. I’m always experiencing technical difficulties. I was pretty annoyed, though!


    • I know you didn’t mean to post twice—but with the content of the post it made it funnier! I’ve done it too, usually on a rant!


      • javaj240 says:

        OMG… I never thought of it that way— in the context of the subject of the post! You are far more detail-oriented than I could ever hope to be. So glad to see you are back! Now, blog something already. I’ve read through all of your old stuff!

        Seriously, I hope all is well!


  9. I can tell someone’s mad when they post twice! I agree that most people don’t listen, especially when information is being exchanged. (Most people are way too busy talking about themselves to take a listen break anyway. I don’t have much patience with bores so I listen just long enough to get away from them.) But yeah, at home I often have to begin sentences with “do you remember when I told you…?” Then I get the blank look, next comes the refresher course. It’s become a lifelong habit to speak slowly and clearly when giving someone information, as you would a child. And I have yet to get the right amount of sugars and creams at the Burger King drive-thru in 7 years here. And never, ever a coffee stirrer. That I think would require they read and sign some kind of document first.


  10. buttonw says:

    I will admit it. I’m not the best listener, but now that I’ve read this post I will definitely try harder! I promise 🙂


Tell Me What You Think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s