This award comes from Life on Wry, which is written by a very nice woman who is currently involved in and documenting her “gratitude experiment”. I love that this is sometimes a challenge for her. I also love that she hasn’t thrown in the towel. I fear that I would be grateful that someone was just an idiot, instead of a moron, by Day 3. Stop by and join her on her journey. You’ll be glad you did.
Now, onto the seven things I would like to tell you about myself.
1. Every time I engage in something creative my husband wants to know if what I have created has retail value. I made a Shamballa bracelet recently. It didn’t turn out that bad, for my first try at beading and macrame. Of course, he now wants me to make a few and sell them at craft fairs. He monetizes everything. I just wanted a fucking bracelet for less than $40. I’m not going into business. I’m not sitting my fat ass at any damn craft fair. I’d, no doubt, get stuck next to the woman who makes those stupid dolls that look like children standing in the corner. If you make them/sell them, I think that’s “enough said”. No doubt I would have to spend the day listening to you go on and on about your gout, your grandchildren (who are probably, themselves, standing in a corner somewhere), and the beloved pet that you had to put to sleep last week (Farewell, Guido Gecko!)— but who you have immortalized in picture pin form and are sporting on your “Winter Scene” turtleneck that you got on sale at JC Penney five years ago. No thanks.
2. I love crossword puzzles. More specifically, I love The NY Times crossword puzzle. I have a dirty, little secret: I am an elitist and a crossword puzzle snob. There is nothing more satisfying than doing the Saturday NY Times crossword in ink. It’s difficult and relaxing at the same time. I can’t think of any other activity that can be thusly described.
3. I cannot grow anything. I tried to create a window herb garden a few years ago. Because, hey, I like fresh basil as much as the next girl! I found it frustrating and, frankly, cheaper to just buy it at the grocery store. I have to admit that the few sprigs that actually grew did smell delicious, though.
4. I am not religious. At all. And I am jaded about it. I’ve seen far too many examples (in my own life, as well as in the larger world) of church leaders and their flocks engaged in behavior that is less than kind. Far less. I do believe that there is a higher power, though. I think that she just shakes her head at all of the nonsense. What I hope is that this is hell. If you get it right, you get to go to a better place when you depart; if you get it wrong, you have to come back until you get it right. I think that those who are currently “getting it right” have been here many, many times before. They just don’t know it.
5. I hate hypocrisy and people who twist the rules to suit their own purposes. And I’m not just talking about politicians or lawyers. I’m talking about regular folks who will carry on about right and wrong (as if they know— HA!), but the minute they can manipulate a rule or a situation to somehow benefit them, they do so without regard to how it will affect others. On a small scale I see it every day at work. I watch folks bitch and moan about table rotation when they feel they are getting screwed, but then take full advantage of screwing someone else (usually someone new or someone they know won’t complain) when they feel they can get away with it. It’s just plain wrong. Even worse than engaging in this behavior? Denying that you engaged in it. If you are going to be dishonest and, just plain douchy, at least own up to it.
6. I enjoy the company of people who make me laugh. There is nothing better than a good “blow the soda out your nose” laugh. Nothing. I thank you, my fellow bloggers, for my many soiled t-shirts. Who can I send my laundry to? I know at least one of you freaks likes to do laundry. I have a feeling that I know which freak will own up to that first. But, go ahead, try and surprise me.
7. This brings me to laundry and housekeeping in general. It just never ends. And it’s never finished. Once I have accomplished one task, there are seven others that need attending to. It’s time-consuming and mind-numbing and I hate it. I try to keep things roto virus-free. That’s the best I can do. If you want it done better, do it yourself. I’m not the fucking maid. And stop leaving your wet socks in the kitchen. We have a hamper for that.
Now, to the best part, where I get to recommend (nominate) those bloggers who bring me joy (and laughter). Check them out!
23thorns: He’s South African, which is apropos of nothing, really, except that I had no idea South Africans were so funny. (Of course, outside of Charlize Theron and Nelson Mandela, I have no real experience with South Africans— Well, actually I do. Someday I will have to share my Bishop Tutu story with you— it’s a winner.)
tracyloveshistory: She is married to 23thorns. That must be some funny household. She writes a great deal about history (mostly South African— be careful, you might learn something), but in a very entertaining fashion. I would compare her to Sarah Vowell, if I had to compare her to anyone.
tracyfulks: Another Tracy! Who knew I would encounter two funny Tracy’s in such a short span of time? This Tracy chronicles her life, her battle with the bottle, motherhood, and just about anything else you can think of (she is not above writing about farting— you have been warned). She had me at, “Hello, my name is Tracy, and I’m an alcoholic…” Love.
A Clown On Fire: Difficult to pigeonhole, as clowns often are. If you are looking for highbrow, well, look somewhere else. Go here to laugh your ass off. He has been known to award clown noses for bad behavior.
Laments and Lullabies: This is the blog of “The Ringmistress” a.k.a. LeClown’s (from A Clown On Fire) wife. Another household where I would like to be a fly on the wall. Behind every great clown there is an equally great (or, even better) Ringmistress.
wedel mom: Funny stuff from a funny woman. Her take on the week’s headlines are clever and pointed.
Hey Joe, Whatd’ya Know?: The most touching and funny stories from a truly caring caregiver. Great stuff!