Leave Me Alone! I’m Sick!


I’ve been under the weather, as they say, for a few days now. Nothing serious, just a bout of some stomachy thing. I’ll recover.

I am not sick enough to be beyond complaining. I’m just going to complain about being sick. More specifically, I am going to complain about not being allowed to be sick the way the rest of this family is allowed to be sick. You know, I’d like them to make me soup, bring me a blanket, check on my need for medication and/ or hydration. Like I do for them when they’re sick. If they are not going to do these things for me, that’s fine. But, at the very least, they could just leave me alone. If my fever spikes to 104 degrees (Fahrenheit) and I dehydrate and die right here in the suburbs of Manhattan, that’s fine, too. At least I’ll have expired in peace. With no one bothering me!

My primary, but not my only, complaint is that I have been continually harassed about meals. This “not cooking thing” (a direct quote from the always sympathetic Fangette) while I am feverish, achy, and on the verge of vomiting is not entirely because I have adopted an “I can’t eat, so I’m not cooking” attitude. That plays a part, sure, but that’s not the only reason I have absented myself from food preparation. It’s because I’m sick. With a stomach virus.

Exactly what variety of idiot would you have to be to even want a viral person touching your food? I’m going to answer that. I’ve used the opportunity of being bed-ridden to mull this over. Somewhere between the napping, the sweating, the shivering, and the frequent trips to the bathroom I found the time to conclude that I live with lazy idiots.

It wasn’t just Fangette’s need for food that necessitated rousing her mother from her sick bed. Oh, no. There were several pressing matters that required my attention. Outside of the request for a french braid, these were all things that the other adult who lives in this house (or the teenager herself) could have and should have taken care of. If they weren’t lazy idiots, that is.

She needed her polyester work shirt ironed. This required a ten-minute dialogue in which I was forced to explain (and not for the first time, mind you) that it would melt if I ironed it. To be fair, I’ve been telling her this about most fabrics all of her life, so she may have been right to be suspicious. This time it’s true, though. I swear! It’s right there on the tag—a little iron symbol with a line through it.

She needed refills on her acne medication. Having the prescription numbers would have made this far easier, but she threw away the boxes. This is the second time she’s done that. Not having the prescription numbers meant that someone (guess who?) had to spend fifteen minutes on hold waiting to speak to an actual human being. I fell asleep while on hold. I’m not kidding. So, her prescriptions never got refilled. I told my husband that he would have to stop on his way home from work and take care of it. (He won’t do it on the phone— because he refuses to make phone calls. Refuses. Like a five-year-old who won’t get in the bath type of refusal.) I don’t hold out much hope that she will have her acne medication tonight.

She needed someone to quiz her for an upcoming Spanish III test. While I certainly do understand her reluctance to ask for help on a foreign language test from the man who pronounces “Chez” phonetically, I was really in no mood to reacquaint myself with the proper uses of ser and estar. Doesn’t she have classmates? I know she has the Internet.

She also had to make the usual requests for money. Money for lunch (there’s that food shit again), money to buy the Vans I’d promised her (a promise I do not remember ever making, but $45 was a small price to pay for a little peace and quiet), gift money for, yet another, “Sweet 16” party (hence the need for the French braid), and…. and…. and….

Finally, I’d had enough. So, I told her that all future requests until I felt better would really just have to go through her father. I told her that while I understood that I was clearly the better parent, she’d just have to settle for second-best until I got back on my feet.

She returned five minutes later with the following very, very bad news: “Dad says he doesn’t feel well.”

Great.

photo credit: blog.timesunion.com

34 thoughts on “Leave Me Alone! I’m Sick!

  1. […] Edit: I was just about to post this when another excellent blogger nominated me for this as well. Thanks also to javaj240 at Ambling & Rambling for the nomination. I just started reading her blog the other day, and spent my whole lunch today laughing and enjoying her posts. I’m sure every Mom (and a lot of Dads) can relate to Leave Me Alone! I’m Sick! […]

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  2. javaj240 says:

    I am sooooo going to start calling it “heckling”!

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  3. valleygirl96 says:

    Priceless! And sadly, so true. I can’t stand the “what’s for dinner” heckling when I feel good, much less when I’m sick! Hope you feel better!

    Like

  4. […] Having spent the better part of last week being nursed back to health by my attentive family (BAHAHAHAHA), my alter ego, who some have taken to calling “The Crank on the Couch”, has taken some television programming notes. In a nutshell, here’s what I don’t think we need any more of. […]

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  5. stylewaffle says:

    I could be listening to any of my friends or myself !! Good to know we’re not alone!!!

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  6. wedelmom says:

    Even “under the weather” you are “over the top” hilarious. So glad to know that I am not alone in the “can’t I just be sick for a few hours without anyone bugging me?” world. I swear – my family would expect me to cook from a hospital bed….or at least have it ready before I got to the hospital bed.
    Hope you feel better soon!

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  7. Oh god, not the dreaded French Braid! You don’t know how hearing about that has warmed my insides. Yes, I am not alone. I feel bad for you though, being sick. No rest for the wicked, or for mothers, too bad if they are incapacitated. I had the stomach flu last year – the worst I’ve ever had it – couldn’t get upstairs to the bedroom, was laying on the floor in the front hall by the toilet. It was the first time EVER that people left me alone. I think they thought I was actually going to die. It only lasted a day. Then I had to do everything I’d missed.

    Get better soon chiquita!

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    • javaj240 says:

      Yes. The FFB or, as I have been known to refer to it in my more foul humors, TheMFFB!

      The sad thing is, if I actually had the patience to undertake the task of teaching my husband how to do it, he would, undoubtedly, do a better job than I do, but I don’t, so he won’t. LOL.

      How long do you think it would have taken them to become aware of your demise? Also, did they have to actually step over you to leave the house? If so, were you at least offered a cool cloth and some broth?

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  8. I used to dream of getting REALLY sick so I could just have a break. I realize that is completely pointless. The minute I walked in the door after returning from the hospital after having my third kid, I cooked a meal and proceeded to do six loads of laundry that night. I now just dream about committing a minor crime someday so I can spend a few nights in jail to get a little break!

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    • javaj240 says:

      I’m pretty good friends with our local police chief. I constantly tell him that if he truly wanted to serve the community he would offer “3 hots and a cot” as a silent auction prize.

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      • Wow, I thought I was the only one absurd enough to think along these lines! I realize a hotel room stay would be more reasonable but I know they would track me down or just keep calling…it has to be jail! LOL!!

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  9. Love it! It’s so not fair that we miss out on the TLC. Hope you feel better soon.

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  10. Ad-libb3d says:

    Sending you my best chicken-soup sentiments your way…hope you feel better soon.

    On a positive note, even when you’re sick, you’re funny as hell!

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  11. haralee says:

    Hope you feel better soon. I suggest notes, because your ears are clogged and your head hurts but really because no one likes to write notes!

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  12. ethelthedean says:

    Get well soon Ms. J! We need you ambling and rambling up a storm 🙂 (p.s. nice new layout!)

    I’m sorry that you are feeling under the weather and that your family is a bit (to put it lightly) adrift without their fearless leader (and emotional/nutritional rudder).

    Get some rest! Soon, you’ll have two other sickos to looks after. :/
    xx

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    • javaj240 says:

      Thanks for the well wishes. If you were here I’m certain I could rely upon you to whip up some high-protein brothy deliciousness!

      I like the new layout, too!

      I am not looking forward to either of them being stickum but I fear it is inevitable.

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  13. why am I here in a handbasket? says:

    I usually got the flu during the holiday season and still had to assemble the girls toys. Such a load of bullshit.

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  14. imnotasupermom says:

    I’m so lucky. My husband takes good care of me and is also not a pain when he’s sick.

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  15. susannairn says:

    Hope you feel better soon!!

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  16. I’ve so been there!

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