Solve for X

halfmastflagI don’t feel like being funny today. I feel like being angry. And I hate it.

I hate that there are people in the world who steal the lives of children.

I hate that some guy can wake up in the morning, stick a few guns in his pocket, and proceed to rob parents of their children.

I hate that anyone who survived this latest atrocity has lost the sense of security that is such a large part of what living in a small town is all about.

I hate feeling like someone failed this young man— because maybe they didn’t, but I can’t help but feel that they did.

I hate that nowhere my kid goes on a daily basis is safe from the odd lunatic with a gun— not at school, not at work, not at the movies, not at the mall. Nowhere.

I hate fucking guns. I fucking hate, hate, hate them. (And please refrain from responding that “guns don’t kill people” because that is just a load of horseshit. Guns don’t shoot themselves.)

I hate that one of the first Facebook posts following this tragedy was some ridiculous quote about God not being allowed in schools. This bullshit is NOT about God nor is it about religion. Praying wouldn’t have saved those children today. It didn’t save the Amish schoolchildren either. And, really, what kind of God allows this kind of thing to happen again and again and again?

I hate that in the aftermath of this tragedy news outlets were speaking with grade-school children ON CAMERA. Are you fucking kidding me?

What I hate most, though, is that I know, FOR A FACT, that this shit is not going to end. Because there is no solution. There is no way to protect ourselves or our children from this random, unthinkable violence. No way.

I hate that I worked all day and half the night and my kid went to school and then to work (AT THE MOVIES, AT THE MALL), so I haven’t seen her yet. I know she is going to hate it, but I cannot wait to hug her when she comes home. I cannot wait.

photo credit: half-mast flag

20 thoughts on “Solve for X

  1. […] is when, at their convenience, they let me know that they can relate to my dislike of zoos or my fear of school shooters. When they reveal that I made them laugh (or cry)? Well, that just makes MY […]


  2. […] Solve for X – Ambling and Rambling […]


  3. […] Solve for X – Ambling and Rambling […]


  4. I liked the fact you didn’t direct your anger at the killer, but at the system that allowed him to operate.
    I liked the way you got angry at the religious nutjobs jumping on the nbandwagon for their own ends and advancement
    I liked the way that you took a stance.
    I liked the way you didn’t follow so many on the Net and descend into write some piece of anodyne doggerel.
    I liked this full stop.

    You may want to check out how the Norwegians responded to the killings by Breivik a little while ago. They responded with huge dignity, both at a personal level and as a society. No demonising, no hatred, just honest bewilderment and realisation of a need for change. The prime minister stood up on national television, backed by many of the bereaved parents, and said
    ‘We have failed.’


    • javaj240 says:

      Thank you. I almost didn’t post this. I almost removed it a few times after publishing it. I almost edited it. I felt that maybe it wasn’t eloquent or dignified. At the end of the day, I decided to leave it as originally written because it was my honest response.

      We have failed. And we have done so on many levels. Call me jaded and cynical, but I don’t know whether we can fix what is so clearly broken here.

      Thank you again for reading and for commenting.


    • javaj240 says:

      Forgot to mention….I liked the way you phrased your response. It didn’t go unnoticed.


  5. ethelthedean says:

    Oh Ms. J. I so wish I could give you a hug. So much of what you’ve written here I feel exactly the same way. ❤ ❤


    • javaj240 says:

      It’s hard not to, isn’t it? I’m not a hater by nature. I’m a kvetcher, a bitcher, and a whiner extraordinaire, but not a hater. So, I don’t understand the kind of hatred that drives people to do these things. It’s simply unfathomable to me.


  6. I loved this, Ericka.
    I made a goof this morning and posted something frivolous, before I heard about events in Newtown. I’m not feeling funny either.
    Hug your girl till the pips squeek


  7. I couldn’t believe the news was interviewing the kids either. I saw one guy ask a small girl her first and last name and then spell her last name. Are you kidding me? Leave these people alone…especially the kids


  8. Absolutely horrific. I cannot imagine what any of those families faced today and will face going forward. My kids are the exact right ages to attend that school. I really noticed how little and innocent they are as they came out of school today. Heartbreaking doesn’t begin to describe it.


  9. javaj240 says:

    It’s overwhelming. Honestly, I (and I’m sure many others) am just despondent over this. I cannot even fathom what these poor parents are going through— nor do I ever want to find out.


  10. It really is hard to imagine how we could make things better.


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