Thanks for the Memories, Mrs. K!


Farewell, my lovely!

Farewell, my lovely!

The Keurig is on the fritz. It’s not completely broken. In a strange, yet not altogether surprising turn of events, it works for me. It’s Fang, the much more enthusiastic coffee drinker, who is unable to get Mrs. K to dispense properly, if at all.

I alone seem to have the “magic touch”. Now, whenever Fang gets a hankering for one of his many cups of Joe, I’m the one who has to make it. If I hadn’t witnessed the positively freakish favoritism being showered upon me by an inanimate object, I would be convinced that Fang had just made the whole thing up. You know, so that I could fetch more things for him.

I have a theory about why Mrs. K isn’t working for Fang. And, yes, my Keurig is female. I know this because she is sensitive, willful, and vindictive. We first noticed that she was beginning to exhibit “skitchy” behavior — intermittent strange groaning noises, brewing too little or too much coffee, and, on a few occasions, just plain shutting off — around the holidays.

Fang’s immediate reaction was that the “freakin’ thing was old and on it’s way out” and that we should begin to at least think about “getting one of those newer, fancier models”. He engaged in this trash-talk right in front of her! I took no small amount of offense at what seemed a betrayal of the “miracle machine” that he had, not that long ago, been so enamored with.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that Fang had a slight crush on Mrs. K when she first entered our lives. No doubt he appreciated her speed, her efficiency, and, of course, her curves. (The very same qualities I would like to think he appreciates in me!) On at least one occasion I swore that he was fondling her. I wasn’t jealous, though. Competing for Fang’s affections with an appliance didn’t bother me in the least. It helped that this particular appliance provided me with the product that, quite frankly, makes it possible for me to go out into the world every morning without killing someone.

Given that I, too, have a soft spot for Mrs. K, it’s not surprising that I took her imminent demise to heart. Uncharacteristically, though, I found myself taking my husband’s cavalier attitude toward her very personally — as if he had said that it was me who was “old” and “on [my] way out”. I know that he neither said nor intimated any such thing, but I couldn’t help the resentment I felt when he began “checking out” the newer models at the Target.

In the face of his clear intention to replace the old gal, I dug in my heels. I decided to try to nurse her back to health. I put her on a regular descaling regimen and fed her only premium blends —- the darkest, most delicious roasts, from deepest Africa or the highlands of Hawaii. And it worked. She rebounded.

At least that’s what I told myself. I fear that it wasn’t so much a recovery, as it was a remission. This happens sometimes in cases of terminal illness. Given that she had become a kindred spirit, I’d been treating her as any kind, nurturing woman would — I babied her and, on occasion, could be heard murmuring encouragement. (“You can do it!” “I know you’ve got one more good cup in ya!” “Come on, girl! Do it for me!”) It’s no more than any good caretaker would do.

I have not been the one discussing her replacement or waving Bed, Bath and Beyond flyers with PICTURES (!) of the latest K-cup brewers around in front of her! I’m not in denial. I know her days are numbered. I understand that it’s only a matter of time before she’s kaput, but I want to have her understudy waiting in the wings before she drips her last drop. I find Fang’s behavior counterproductive.

Hello, Gorgeous!

Hello, Gorgeous!

I swear that because I have treated her with kindness and respect, she has continued to work for me. She has recognized my efforts and has responded in kind. If she catches on that I’m using her to make Fang’s coffee or susses out my plan to hide the newer model under the sink, I’m sure she’ll just up and refuse to do my bidding. So, keep it under your hats, will ya? I just need to get through Fangette’s birthday and then I’ll have enough money to afford a new machine. Did you know that the new models come in different colors? Maybe I’ll call her “Red”!

Photo Credits:
Black Keurig
Red Keurig

19 thoughts on “Thanks for the Memories, Mrs. K!

  1. javaj240 says:

    You have a point there about what appliances we can and cannot live without, LOL!

    The Keurig makes the best cup of coffee I have ever had. It gets a little pricey, that’s my biggest complaint. The coffee alone is a big expense. Prior to getting the Keurig my husband spent a lot of money buying coffee “out”, so I guess it’s a wash.

    It’s over 2 years old and, frankly, none of my other coffeemakers lasted much longer. So, I’ll be buying another Keurig — no doubt about it.

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  2. In my adult life I have owned no less than 10 coffee makers. I have never owned a Keurig but I once did have a $100 model of some sort. Otherwise the rest have all been $16 models from Wal-mart. The $100 model lasted no longer than the cheapies. Every other appliance in the house has lasted forever…The iron I bought 15 years ago for $15 is still going strong even though I use it all of the time. I swear it’s a conspiracy between the coffee maker companies to drive people nuts because they know we can’t live without our coffee. They know they can make less than stellar quality coffee makes because we will continue to buy them no matter what! Now if my iron were to die that often I could easily give up ironing!

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  3. Love it! Holy smokes, just looking at those pictures makes me makes a nice, hot cup of joe. Mmmm..

    For my birthday this year my dad bought me a nespresso milk steamer/foamer. My life is exponentially better now that I have this in my life.

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    • javaj240 says:

      My husband would drink even more coffee-based products (if that would even be possible) if we had an espresso/cappuccino machine — and guess who would spend her days as a domestic barista? So, as much as I would love one of those fancy-schmancy machines, I will never have one, LOL! But, I’m glad that you have one and that you enjoy it!

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  4. Audrey says:

    Oh, the joys of coffee! I can see why Fang fell in love, those Keurigs are wonderful. I still go old-school with a french press but getting my own Mrs. K has certainly been a temptation just for the efficiency and speed.

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    • javaj240 says:

      I love a cup of coffee from a French press, but, really, who has the time? Well, other than you, of course. LOL. Actually, I make it in the French press on the weekends. In the mornings, however, speed and efficiency are the name of the game.

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    • peachyteachy says:

      Audrey has spoken my heart. There’s no remission with a French press, just a crash and a shatter. Except the last time it shattered, we started using a big camping French press (gotta be some kind of oxymoron there) made of lexan or some unbreakable substance. I feel very guilty about wanting a Keurig. The waste! The packaging!

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      • javaj240 says:

        Yeah… I know what you mean about the waste and the packaging… but I recycle and do many other things that are “green”.

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  5. CubicleViews says:

    Jealous. Want one now!
    And, I’m comfortable enough in my manhood to say, I’m a bisexual coffee drinker. I don’t care if the machine is a guy or a girl!
    Just poor me another glorious cup…and make it fast!

    Like

    • javaj240 says:

      I don’t ordinarily assign a sex to my appliances, but in the case of Mrs. K it just seemed fitting.

      I’m with you on the coffee, though… a great cup of coffee is underrated.

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  6. My Keurig, Superstar, is very concerned about Mrs. K. Hope she gets to feeling better or, at least, gets to retire at a little cafe where good coffee smells float in the air!

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    • javaj240 says:

      Funnily enough she worked like a charm this morning… she showed some of her old pep! I am sure she knows I was writing about her 🙂

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  7. Drink tea. That way it can’t be made automatically and Fang gets forced to do it for himself. Just a thought.
    And I mean tea. Not camomile or spearmint or lemon grass. Tea.
    😉

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    • javaj240 says:

      Tea??? We are Americans! And not the kind who drink things like “Raspberry Zest” or chamomile. When I drink tea (which is not often), I make it like God intended — in a pot with a tea ball. Earl Grey or Irish Breakfast for me.

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  8. Ned's Blog says:

    How about naming her Scarlett? “As God is my Witness, I’ll never go without coffee again!” Too dramatic? Sorry. Coffee does that to me…

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  9. lacoplin says:

    My friend’s keurig was on the brink too. She called the company and they mailed her a new one. No receipt. No nothing. That’s customer service!

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    • javaj240 says:

      Maybe I’ll send her to be fixed! I’ll still a new one though, for while she’s in the shop — can’t live without my Keurig. I’m so spoiled by the thirty second coffee. LOL!

      Thanks for visiting and for commenting!

      Like

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