It happened AGAIN last night — in the midst of the usual Sunday night bar shift mayhem — I had a guy tell me that he and eleven of his friends, since they all wanted individual checks and because, OF COURSE, they were “starving” were just going to go ahead and plop themselves at the bar tops. They understood that the section was currently not being seated — the host stand provided them with this tidbit of information — because we were severely understaffed and no one was able to wait on those tables, but he came up with a solution, you know, to make my life easier. Oh, and to get him what he wanted.
He decided that HE would write down everyone’s order for me. Then, I would just have to ring it in. In terms of actually obtaining the food? This was his plan — Someone (I’m not sure who he though that “someone” would be — the food fairy?) would just plop the food on the bar when it was ready. Then, he and his party would just scoop up whichever dishes were theirs. I was, as you can imagine, skeptical.
How, I wondered, was he planning to obtain beverages? Did he want me to grant him access to the soda machine in the kitchen? Was he willing to jump behind the bar with me? And what about bread and/or salads. Was he planning on throwing on an apron and joining, albeit briefly, our team in the kitchen?
I politely explained to him that many organizing principles look good on paper. Communism comes to mind. Everyone shares in the wealth of the state! Who wouldn’t be on board with that one? Well, I think history has borne out that Communism doesn’t work out so well in practice, does it? This guy, who I suspect was no scholar, wasn’t really wrapping his mind around this particular analogy. As I think you can agree, his was not really a well-thought out plan. I had to give him points, as I do Lenin and Stalin, for trying, though.
In the end I convinced him that waiting a few more minutes and actually being attended to by members of staff while seated at a comfortable table where food could be properly and correctly delivered might, in fact, be a better idea for him and his party. Also, I explained that we do not currently have any extra aprons in the storage cupboard.
My new manager who, for all intents and purposes was slaving away as my bar back, thinks I am hysterical. Hysterical.