Pass Me A “Sharpie”!

It’s going to be an interesting day. I lost my voice. That ought to make work fun! There’s bound to be more than a normal amount of grunting and gesturing. I may even be forced to hold up cards, like on “The Dating Game” — a Sharpie and some poster board might come in handy.

file0001964396712The worst part will be the folks who ask me, “Are you sick?” And then not believe me when I say I’m not. But, it’s true. I feel perfectly fine. And, outside of the hoarseness and the squeaking, I am fine. This malady is a result of either too much or not enough air conditioning. The combination of the humidity and the air conditioning wreaks havoc on my voice. It happens every year around this time.

I blame the weather. Last week it seemed like we were living on the surface of the sun — in a rain forest. It was that hot AND that humid. It felt like we were all part of some giant bowl of human soup. Then yesterday it got cold. Seriously. I was wearing a sweatshirt and pants. As a result, I lost my voice.

I may be able to get my night shift covered, but there is little to no chance that I can cover my lunch shift. While bartending without a voice will be difficult, running food/expediting in the kitchen will be damn near impossible — and that’s what I’m scheduled to do tonight. This job, much like motherhood, requires a fair bit of screaming. Unlike at home, where I only need to raise my voice in one language, my job entails yelling in two. I don’t claim to do it well, but I manage to make myself understood.

My Spanish is limited, though. And I can’t write it anymore — so, the poster board and the Sharpies will do me no good in this arena. I fear that tonight will require very advanced Charades skills — skills that I simply do not possess.

Lozenges my be my only hope.

photo credit: yelling

12 thoughts on “Pass Me A “Sharpie”!

  1. D. A Wolf says:

    A few months back I had laryngitis off and on (mostly on) for weeks. It was insane. I was trying to make phone calls and I literally couldn’t be heard as was trying to somehow blow sound through my lips into something resembling words.

    In the meantime, just hold up some handy flash cards for those in the vicinity.

    Hoping you’re back at talking soon!


  2. Vanessa says:

    How is the ol’ voice doing today Ms. J? That sucks so much – although, what with you being a superhero, I kind of like to imagine that some evil-doer has captured one of your great powers (a la Ursual from Little Mermaid) and is holding it ransom for their maniacal plans!


    • javaj240 says:

      Yes. Ursula had it. Damn sea-witch!

      Whenever I am faced with an Ursula reference or image, I am reminded of my niece who was slightly dramatic as a child. We had just come from seeing “The Little Mermaid” and her mother told her she needed to take a bath or some crazy thing that mothers instruct their children to do. Well, my niece wasn’t having it. I don’t remember what-all transpired, but it ended with my sister-in-law being told that she was “worse than Ursula! That’s right, Mommy, you are worse than a sea-witch!”


      I’m pretty sure I peed my pants.


  3. I tried to comment on this the other day and it wouldn’t let me which was weird. I used to always lose my voice about twice a year. Roped MacGyver in before he knew what my real voice sounded like. ps: Sharpies RULE. I can change the world with a sharpie and a can of black spray paint!


  4. diannegray says:

    Hope you get your voice back soon – those husky voices can be kind of sexy 😉


  5. peachyteachy says:

    Godspeed, my friend.


  6. rossmurray1 says:

    Husky voice = sexy
    Phlegmy voice = not


    • javaj240 says:

      Luckily, my affliction gave me the “husky” voice! I did manage to get tonight off. Today was tough. I could barely even whisper, LOL!


  7. You might have to take a day off.
    If I noted someone had lost their voice, I wouldn’t ask if they are sick. I would accept that as a fact. It’s interesting how the elements are affecting you.
    I hope you get your voice back soon.


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