I’ve Still Got “It”!


nablo13daytwentyfiveSome days — and I’m not saying they’re not few and far between, but SOME DAYS, I know my husband is glad that he married me. Once in a while I can see that, “I made the right decision almost 25 years ago” look that he gets on his face. I saw it last night — THAT look. I noticed it as I was bent over the semi-constructed BRIMNES bed, beads of sweat dotting my forehead and, truth be told, my nether regions, screwdriver in hand — I know that SOUNDS incredibly sexy — trust me, it wasn’t.

There is a clear division of labor here at the hovel. He does the heavy lifting, I do, well, everything else. It’s not that my husband is incapable of putting together furniture or barbecue grills or other items that require the use of tools and the comprehension of instructions, it’s just that he moves at his own pace. So, if you want to barbecue before, say, Labor Day and you purchase a grill over the Memorial Day weekend, it’s best to take matters into your own hands.

Because my daughter, the delightful, yet demanding, Fangette, would like to actually sleep in her bed some time before the new year, I came to spend twelve hours in her freshly painted navy blue bedroom yesterday tangling with the ASPELUND wardrobe and the BRIMNES bed. Truthfully, Fang was just plum tuckered out anyway. In a rare instance of role reversal, HE actually finished the painting while I was at work on Saturday. He did a great job. I can report that he only hit the white ceiling a few times with the dark blue paint!

As anyone who has ever put together a piece of IKEA furniture can attest, there are always a couple of the steps in the time-consuming, gut-wrenching nightmare that is ALWAYS part and parcel of constructing a piece of furniture that comes with 18,000 screws, one Allen wrench, and 1,200 wooden pinions (all variously, yet similarly, sized!), which requires the assistance of a partner. I could have asked the cat, but he never seems up to the job. While he’s always available, constantly underfoot, happily bouncing in and out of the things that you are trying to put together, or pawing at that screw that you know was RIGHT THERE a minute ago!, his dearth of opposable thumbs makes him a bad choice of assistant.

Fangette was at work, schlepping popcorn to the hordes of people who get to spend their leisure time doing, well, leisurely things — things like grabbing some dinner and taking in a movie — as opposed to her parents, who were at home slaving away or watching their team’s playoff dreams go down the toilet as a result of a last-minute Dallas field goal. It’s just as well, as she’s not much help anyway.

It’s not that she’s unwilling, as much as she is unable to do something as simple as hand you the correct fastener for the job at hand. Even a crash course in reading IKEA instructions was lost on my darling daughter. Luckily, Fang was only a couple of rooms away when I needed someone — anyone — to hold some blasted thing steady while I screwed it in.

And so it was, in one of those moments, that I glimpsed THAT look pass across my husband’s face. The one that said, “I’d marry you all over again!” After all these years, it’s nice to know that, regardless of the circumstances, even with bits of paint in my hair, loads of vulgar words streaming from my potty mouth, and a disturbing amount of perspiration emanating from my every pore, that maybe, just maybe, I’ve still got “it”!

21 thoughts on “I’ve Still Got “It”!

  1. keyalchemy says:

    I’m Mrs. Fix-it at my house, too- I totally relate to this!

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  2. haralee says:

    I laughed reading this because my husband is the one who puts things together and fixes things. Those of us who can’t admire those that can!

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    • javaj240 says:

      I recommend keeping him around. Regardless of any other bad habits he may have, if he puts things together and fixes things, he’s a keeper, LOL!

      I am, much admired, for my “can do” attitude, not to mention my ability to use a screwdriver.

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  3. I am so grateful that my husband does things like this because I would for sure completely screw it up.

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  4. Cheney says:

    Putting together my IKEA desk all by myself is one of my biggest accomplishments. 🙂

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    • javaj240 says:

      There certainly is a sense of fulfillment in a job well done — this usually comes when you’ve finished it. I still have drawers to construct and doors to put on. UGH! I suppose I will have to delay my sense of accomplishment for later today (she said, hopefully)! LOL!

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  5. Ah, that phrase: “he moves at his own pace.” I’ve decided to start our winter holiday preparations around July 4 for that very reason—my dear husband’s pace.

    As for Ikea, I heard that neighbors called the cops on a couple, thinking they were killing each other. But no, they were merely loudly expressing their frustration over their attempts to put together some IKEA furniture.

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  6. Haha. I need to sound a bit smug here and say I have never ever had even a moment’s trouble with anything from IKEA. I’m a flatpack 7th Dan.
    As for the erotic opportunities afforded by such endeavours, well modesty forbids me to comment.

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    • javaj240 says:

      I don’t necessarily run into “trouble” — though the drawers are giving me a headache right now — but, we bit off slightly more than we could chew this weekend — had to put together two rather large items by this morning, as I am awaiting mattress delivery as we speak. Horrible. LOL!

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  7. loisaltermark says:

    Now I know who to call to help put together those IKEA nightmares. You’ve definitely got it, Jackie!

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    • javaj240 says:

      OMG… I want to scream right now. Still have to finish constructing the drawers and get the damn doors on the wardrobe — I hate, hate, hate, IKEA drawers and doors, LOL!

      Like

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