Merry Christmas! Here’s a Hoof!

NaBloPoMo14DayTwentySevenAnother Thanksgiving under our belts — both literally and figuratively. I feel stuffed. My sister-in-law has taken to saying, instead of “Merry Christmas”, “Merry Excess”. It rings true.

We really have so much, don’t we, most of us? Too much, if you ask me. And, yet, we rack our brains for what else to buy for so-and-so or to come up with one more thing that we would like. I wish that I could say, “No more! No more stuff!” I won’t, though. Even if I say that I will, I won’t actually do it.

I’ve cut down the list considerably over the years in terms of people that I buy for. That much I’ve done.

I just really hate to shop. I’d like to enjoy the season — just once — without the hassle of shopping.

Believe you me, I’ve thought about taking all of the money that I spend on Christmas and purchasing a goat for a third-world village. It would be weird, though, to give one-tenth of a goat to some of the folks on my Christmas list. I mean, how exactly would I carve that up? Or wrap it?

I suppose I could just give them a nice card explaining that one-tenth of a goat was given in their name through Oxfam or some other reputable goat-giving charity. How would I inscribe it though? “Merry Christmas! Here’s your hoof!” That’s straightforward enough, but it seems a little odd — even coming from me.

I am a little odd — and as I’ve grown older, I’ve grown odder, especially as it pertains to gift-giving. I am self-aware enough to admit this about myself. I just cannot get excited about the whole prospect of it anymore.

And, I refuse to do gift cards. They are so impersonal. I’d rather someone hand me a few crumpled up singles than be given a gift card. It’s like saying, “Here you go. Shop for your own shit!” Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like another task added to my list of things to do.

I may be an unenthusiastic gift-giver, but if I’m going to buy gifts, I’d like them to be thoughtful. Frankly, I think a goat is a pretty thoughtful gift. How many people can say they received a goat (or a part of one) as a Christmas gift? Not many.

As unique as giving this kind of gift would be, as interesting as it might be to receive, it is highly unlikely that I’ll be purchasing a goat, in whole or in part, for anyone on my Christmas list. At least that’s not the current plan. You never know, though. Come December 23rd, if I’ve plum run out of both time and ideas, there might just be a goat in someone’s future.